exes and gratitude

I have, like most people my age, a bunch of exes.

And like most people my age, I’ve had my share of tough breakups.

But I was talking to my sweetheart and a couple of friends last night (we were discussing how many sex partners we’d each had.  Very educational.  And good to practice so when you go to have That Safer Sex Talk with a new partner your history is fresh in your mind) and you know?  I think I’ve learned at least one useful thing from every single one of them.

When the breakup first happens, and you’re fighting over toasters and blenders and the really awesome sex toys (admit it, there was that one that you didn’t want to let go*) it’s hard to see it.  But there’s something in there.

I have learned:

  • to stand my ground, especially when my health is involved
  • how to pay attention to my body
  • that I’m a really good lover
  • that I have limits
  • how to enjoy being sexy and having power
  • not to settle for half-assed relationships
  • what it means to be sought-after, and what it means to be the seeker
  • to be playful
  • how to be head of household
  • how and when to compromise
  • the pleasure of seduction
  • that I prefer sex in relationships to sex outside of them

What have you learned?

* Some people say the toys should hit the trash at the end of every relationship.  Unless the toys are inextricably entwined with the toxicity of a bad breakup, that’s ridiculous.  Good toys are expensive and can be sterilized.  Get a friend who does energy clearing and clean them up, body and soul.   Hang onto them for a while.  If they’re still making you sad after six months or a year, get rid of them.  But otherwise…the best possible outcome is pleasure.  And why shouldn’t it be yours?