the unicorn and the phoenix

What do you suppose Doubting Thomas felt on Easter?  He was, after all, the pragmatic disciple, wanting to see and feel the resurrection. He was logical, sensible, reasonable…

and, as the story goes, wrong.  He was the unicorn who refused the ark.  And in so doing, he embraced despair.  He gave up, surrendered to what felt like inevitable loss.

All was not lost.  But recovery from despair is not so easy.  It takes time.  It takes patience.  It takes practice.  It takes a reconstruction of faith.

Because being wrong can lead to a loss of faith in oneself.  And so, while everyone celebrates, I imagine Thomas halfheartedly smiling, nodding, vacantly toasting from the back of the call as his beloved leader whom he thought was dead but is living?

Living?

And he drifts off into the impossibility of it all, with laughter and shouting all around him.

And what then?

His celebration will not be today.  Three days is not enough.  He will count his time in weeks and months, like St. Exupery’s fox, needing to be tamed and tamed again.  He will wait.  He will watch.

and I imagine, the relief will come.  Tears of revelation will come.  He will know, in his heart, that resurrection is real.

But not today.  Not on Easter.

Today is too soon.

Here’s to Easter.  And here’s to Thomas.